Oops -- I just realized that there are two outstanding LAM issues: the PTY/SCO deal is one thing, but there's also the fact that the fault-tolerant mode of LAM also seems to fail under SCO.
This leads nicely into my theory of a secretive bouguios crypto-fascist plot by Caldera and the flying monkeys (you know, from the Wizard of Oz). You see, they just want a nice cup of coffee in the morning. Not being a coffee drinker myself (reference: worst cup of coffee ever made at Ft. Knox), I don't quite understand this want-slash-need, but hey -- whatever fills your tires.
So how does a good cup of coffee relate to problems with SCO/Unix and LAM? Let me explain.
The monkeys are actually all from a fairly rural town in Wisconsin. They did the Oz gig a few years ago, but do the issues with the MPAA, they really got screwed with the licensing deal (you should have heard them today after hearing about the DVD/DeCSS case --
you've never shrill screeching until you've told a Monkey that he can't pirate a DVD of his own movie. In effect, you're telling him to go spank himself). Hence, moved (where else?) to Canada, where they heard that flying monkeys could get good work.
There were several years of various overnight delivery service jobs, telephone repair jobs (who else can safely get to the top of those telephone poles?), and that whole Planet of the Apes thing (had to hide the wings for that one, and bulk up on steroids to boot), but nothing really grabbed their passion. These years were generally considered to be "The Blue Collar Years".
They eventually migrated back to the States, and, as all good monkeys do, got jobs in upper-level management. I won't tell you where, because a) it would first surprise you, but then you would say "oh, well that actually makes a lot of things make sense", and b) there's a good chance that you work for one of them. Yes, you, Gentle Reader.
So the monkeys prospered as upper-level managers. They got married, got a house, an Audi, had 2.4 flying monkey children, invested in their 401(k) plans, etc., etc. They were generally successful flying monkeys. But still, there was no passion.
To be a monkey
And a flying one at that
Yea -- enlightenment
One day, one of the monkeys finally realized just how passionless their lives were. They had a big meeting with all the flying monkeys (tip: do *not* park your car outside a bar where there is a flying monkey meeting going on. You know that Far Side cartoon, "How birds view the world"? Drunk monkeys are worse. Much worse.) And unto this meeting was born The Plan.
The Plan was simple.
The Plan was elegant.
The Plan is what all right-thinking people do when they realize that they have no passion in their lives.
The Plan was for all the monkeys to become programmers. The Plan was to Engineer with Extreme Prejudice. The Plan was to justify their existence with solid warez. "Justification through Righteous Code!", they cried.
This was The Plan.
And the monkeys set off to accomplish their Plan.
Their leader, Bill Gates (oops -- was that out loud?), kick-started the whole process by buying a little-known operating system named DOS and selling/licensing it for ridiculously large sums of money (inadvertently setting a downward-spiral trend for the entire barter trade system of a small planet in the Alpha-Centauri system that eventually ended in a bloody revolt which caused the abolishment of the letter Q in their language, but that's a whole different story).
The majority rest of the tale most readers are familiar with. It's the same old story (we've heard it hundreds of times) where flying monkey feels passionless, flying monkey starts with noble ideals and resolves to obtain Passion, flying monkey strives for Justification Through Righteous Code, flying monkey becomes the leader of a multi-national super company, flying monkey realizes that he has finally obtained Passion, but since he's the multi-billioniare owner of a multi-national super company, never has anything less than a $100 bill in his pocket (which the coffee machines simply do not take), flying monkey falls into despair about the lack of coffee, flying monkey plots to destroy civilization as we know it, simply because he can, so flying monkey decides to sabotage all Righteous Code (i.e., LAM/MPI) during Phase 7 of The Revised Plan to destroy civilization by making it impossible to port it successfully to all POSIX-like platforms.
It's the same old story. Hollywood's done it dozens of times.
But it's all true. I swear it.
"I had lots of ideas last night at 3am, and all of them were really good..."
My DSL alarm light continues to flash alarmingly. I think it's mad that I haven't gone to bed yet.