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Things I have learned from my daughters

  • Babies come with hats
  • Volume of screaming has nothing to do with anything
  • Sleep is optional
  • When babies do sleep, they can sleep anywhere, anytime, while doing anything
  • Poop can be launched horizontally for quite a distance
  • The weight of a filled Huggies can be twice that of the baby itself
  • A valid exit point for vomit is the nose
  • Babies sleep out loud (lots of movement, grunts, squeaks, and stretching)
  • Crying is a 3 step proess: 1) scrinch up your face, 2) hyperventilate 6-7 times, 3) wail like Mick Jagger — wail long, wail loud, and wail often. Whatever happens, don’t let anyone tell you to stop, because everyone should hear you sing.
  • Exorcist-style vomit is neither unnatural nor uncommon


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Comments (4)

Katie Siek:

Wait ‘til technicolor poop launches horizontally ;)

This post is useless without pics.

Oh, and the filled diaper:child weight ratio holds true to at least age 2.5.


Andrew Lumsdaine:

You will also learn that vomit is at body temperature so you don’t notice it when it runs down your back.


ND 28 - scUM 20

What are you yakkin about?

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